It’s Begun
More buzz around us
excitement for what’s to come
moving towards Sun’s warmth
For the past few days people have been arriving at Sherabling for the beginning of the first public teachings here since the start of covid three years ago. Many of these are people Nancy has known over the years, some from the very beginning in 1979, some from other teachings in the decades since then. There are Lizbeth and Annette from Denmark, Irish John from Australia, Brooklyn Richard from various parts of Asia since leaving the States long ago, Malenna a Serbian refugee from Belgium, Magella, an Irish singer song writer, various Lamas she has known over the years, and I’m sure others I haven’t met.
The atmosphere has taken on the character of a big family reunion, and the energy and excitement has been building up to the climax of today’s start with Rinpoche’s grand entrance. Nancy said this morning it feels to her like the first day of school, (when you’re excited and nervous and anticipating the unknown and the familiar all at once).
The love of old friends
memories and current time
deep bow to Guru
In the last days there have been several table sittings at which the recounting of old times has dominated the conversation. People know people who know all the same people from long ago; people reunite who knew each other way back when but have forgotten. There’s a celebratory nature to it all, everyone so glad to be back here, and so glad to finally have access to Situ Rinpoche after what feels to all like the very long, and perhaps difficult, covid hiatus.
Down in the belly
stories old and new move me
family; karma; love
The deep slow quiet we have enjoyed for the past month has shifted now into something else. Things have amped up. People are bustling around. Tsering, the owner of Stupa Guest House, is in high gear with close to a full house of residents and more to be done and more people to be served and more details to be attended to and last minute cancellations and more needs and demands to be perhaps accommodated, or not.
Luckily for me, and maybe for Richard, we who are not attending the teachings (with the small-ish number of maybe 180 attendees), there is quiet time during the day now that the schedule has begun, with a 6:30am Tara puja, then break and breakfast, then 10:30 to noon teachings, then lunch, then 2 to 3:30 teachings, then 4pm Mahakala puja to end the formal day.
As I walked around the grounds today there were few people about after 1030, only a few monks and some workers. I was able to visit the coffee shop and enjoy my americano and lemon drizzle cake in solitude. The crowds don’t much interest me, and I’m glad they are occupied for many hours of the day. In a way, for me, it might be even more quiet, since even Nancy is otherwise occupied, and I have more space and time to myself, keeping in mind that we live in one room, and have been together almost all of the time.
I have a happy but limited interest in and tolerance for the (to me) long winded reminiscences of the old timers, and so I find myself listening for a while (obviously I wasn’t a part of those times) and then getting up and leaving while they might enjoyably go on for some hours more. My own life experience has been different from that of most, or at least many, with whom Nancy and I connect here (though at the same time there’s clearly also a real resonance). This includes my relationship with India, with Eastern practices, certainly with Rinpoche, with drugs and sex and rock n roll, with various kinds of adventures, and my temperament seems also to be different from many, so that the revelry and social intercourse that seems to sometimes prevail is not predominantly my way in the world, and especially the seemingly endless need and wish to relate through talking is very definitely not my way.
As my son said to me a couple of years ago, with some considerable, though not complete, insight and accuracy, I like having people around who leave me alone. I would add to that observation that I also prefer conversation in the present tense, and in the realm of more personal intimacy, and at a pace that makes space for actual felt experience, which interests me far more than anyone’s opinions or beliefs or theories or knowledge (such as it may be), or stories for that matter. I dare say this quality contributed significantly to my abilities as a psychotherapist for nearly 20 years, but it is not, clearly, the dominant or preferred style of communication for most.
Without the grasping
my body/mind is strengthened
accepting the now
There’s already the keen awareness that we will leave here in less than a week now, and this is a truth that elicits mixed feelings for both Nancy and me. We share the love of being here, and so sadness and loss arise. Again, we consider that we can’t say with any certainty that we will return to Sherabling, given the precarious state of the world, given our ages, given the ordinary vicissitudes of life, although my personal reservations before this trip have been largely dispensed with.
If we did return we would be more likely to come in September and spend more time here before, presumably, returning again to Thailand. On the other hand, returning now to Thailand is exciting for us both also, and the reality of being there for nearly a full three months seems a little overwhelming to me, in spite of our many previous long stays there. What will be different? What will be the same? Will we still experience it as a heart home? Leaving the known, going to………..?
