Boredom
Nothing much to write about now; everyday this and that, nothing remarkable going on, everything mundane, finding the sacred there, missing the “sacred” space.
Reportage: now I did this, now we did that. No more celestial foot massage at the Magic Coffee Shop; no more drums; no beach in the morning to walk on what with December’s highest tides; enjoying being able to ride my new bike, even with only 7 of the 21 gears working.
Where will we eat today? What shopping do we need to do? How will we get to the new Immigration office when it’s time for our visa extensions? (Helen?) It sounds boring and it often is. Boring is ok, of course, I’m getting used to it again. Not a new experience, since this is sometimes true at home as well. Bike ride? Groceries? Nothing? Visit? Music? Kirtan. Ah, kirtan: clearly not boring.
I surprised myself
got caught in an undertow
treading water now
I know something is happening, and I don’t know what it i-i-is, do I, Mr. Me? Taking it day by day, wondering what it’s about now. Nothing to do, nothing to accomplish, no particular obligations or responsibilities, lots and lots of time and space to be in. Somehow this time around it all feels less wondrous, less enjoyable, less significant, less interesting, less desirable. I’m quite curious as to what awaits on the other side of this, as I’m certain there is an other side of this. In the meanwhile I’m exploring the deflation.
Apparently at least a couple of friends expressed some concern to Nancy about my state of being after the last post on Feelings. Which I find very strange. I think I made it clear there that I was naming my experience for the purposes of clarity and openness and grace, and, I thought…..that nothing I was experiencing was any cause for concern, but I must not have done this very well. So allow me to reiterate: I was (and still am) feeling sadness, grief, let down, loss (I’m also laughing with Nancy at the Coffee Club, riding my bike, salivating over my mango shakes, etc). Why any of this should cause concern is surprising to me (well, it’s not really surprising to me, because I know how people are conditioned). Don’t humans routinely experience these feelings? Aren’t they very simply a normal, predictable, part of the human experience? Well, of course they are, but, also of course, we’ve been trained to be oh so distressed by them. Rubbish.
Open up the lens!
Shift from your myopic view
to vast awareness
There’s no mystery here for me, nor is there any problem with any of it. Currently I’m also feeling more boredom, which is also a normal and predictable………and transient….…part of being alive. I’m not a person who feels compelled to maintain a frenzy of activity so as to avoid boredom at all costs. My interests are rather narrow actually, and so keeping busy for the sake of being busy for the sake of never feeling bored is beyond my capabilities in any case. I can’t imagine being interested enough in or occupied enough with so many things, so that boredom would never arise. I would not be a good example of the permanently excited person who can never be bored because there are just so many amazing things to be involved in and excited about! What is interesting to me, rather, is the ability to be on good terms with boredom ( and with all of one’s experience in fact). As I used to say to my therapy clients, we’re talking about integration, not amputation.
Return to U.S.
How to survive the frenzy?
More chamomile tea
So I think I’ll be sinking for a while, into this realm, into this unknown again. Maybe this is my last trip to Thailand, as I speculated could be possible before we left home. We’re scheduled to be here another two months, so I expect things to continue to shift while we’re still here. We’ll see. Something is clearly different. Something else assuredly awaits.
